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I remember the first time I read an article about self-care.
I was like….”Is this a thing?”
Growing up nobody ever mentioned “self-care.”
It just didn’t exist.
But it turns out I had been practicing self-care all along…
Just in my own way.
And I didn’t even realize it.
Why We Need Self-Care
In case I’m talking to the someone who has no idea WTF self-care is (hello me a few years ago)…I’ll explain a little bit.
We need self-care.
We have to fill our proverbial gas tanks to be able to move around this little city we call life.
Especially if we take care of others. Hello mommies and teachers!
So we have to do things for ourselves…or we’ll be running on empty and not having anything left to give the others who need it!
This all becomes especially clear to us when we stop taking time out to take care of ourselves…cause then the littlest things can make us crazy upset! We might overreact or blow-up…
And this is really all because, as women (and men too) we tend to try to please others.
We will go out of our way to bake cookies for the kid’s bake sale, on top of our full-time jobs, and cleaning the house!
And we do it because we want others to gape at our ability to have it all under control, how we magically seem to balance everything, and still make sure everyone around us is happy.
Or simply we want everyone in our lives to be happy, and comfortable.
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Why People Pleasing Doesn’t (Always) Work
We are natural caregivers (in general).
This means that most of us want the people in our lives to be cared for.
This is generally a good thing right?
Well as I mentioned earlier this can quickly get out of hand.
Because not only are women natural caregivers, we are especially judged by our appearances.
So we not only want everyone happy, we want to be easy on the eyes, not bother people too much, and we’re willing to sacrifice just about anything to be well-liked and not make waves.
This can be detrimental to our mental health and wellbeing.
Because often in our quest to please others…we forget about ourselves.
And this can result in truly terrible things.
If you think I’m being dramatic think again.
Sacrificing your wellbeing for being well-liked means sacrificing what our hearts truly want, what our intuition says, and ultimately what our bodies can handle.
Female sex workers are a clear example of this at work (not in all cases).
If you have seen porn, and I’m not saying that you have ; ), then it’s easy to see that in some cases the women are clearly being exploited.
Now for most of us this example is probably a little far-fetched.
But just think about this…have you ever had sex or done sexual things with someone (could be husband or boyfriend) when you truly didn’t feel like it…just because he wanted to, and you wanted him to be happy????
Well I’ll just be the first to say that I have.
And it’s ultimately a very damaging experience.
Sex is probably an extreme example…but I think it’s extremeness shows us that even in the day to day decisions of life we are all too happy to offer up our own comfort, happiness, or desires to please others.
Ok whoa…got off on a tangent there…let’s bring it back.
How to Find Your Unique Self-Care Style
Now we know that we need to take care of ourselves….
So you might do an internet search for “self-care”
And articles like “101 self-care ideas” might pop up.
And this is just overwhelming….
Because for the person just starting self-care it’s hard to even know what self-care looks like, let alone what self-care will look like for YOU.
And maybe you read those 101 self-care ideas…but after you finish reading…you have arguably TOO MANY ideas to know where to begin.
So let’s take this step-by-step together.
Self-care is all about taking care of yourself. And this means taking care of yourself in ALL ASPECTS, like mental health, physical health, and soul health.
And taking care of yourself is not always easy…mostly because we don’t know where to begin.
1. You need to figure out which parts of your health need the MOST urgent care.
This you can do by taking stock of your mental, physical, and spiritual states.
I have this whole process mapped out.
Get a copy of the map by entering your email address below.
2. You need to figure out which self-care things you already do.
For me this wasn’t so clear.
But once I started reading about self-care I realized that hey….when I take a bath in the evening THAT is self-care.
When I put on a face mask to relax, THAT is self-care.
When I’m so angry at my fiancé that I need to get out of the house, and get some lunch alone, and not be overly nice to the waiter, not trying to make him or her feel more comfortable and sacrificing my authenticity in that moment, THAT is self-care.
Try examining some parts of your daily routine that are self-care.
Remember self-care is any moment that you give to yourself to relax, recharge, calm down, or enjoy yourself. And yes my dears, TV does count ; ).
3. You need to figure out which parts of your life are especially draining for you.
I outline all of this in my free workbook, which you can get by entering your email below.
Once you find all of these specifics about your life. Self-care becomes easier. Because it becomes yours. It becomes about your relationship with yourself!
For me the biggest parts of self-care are:
2. Eating Out Alone
3. Taking Baths
4. Keeping Good Hygiene (like shaving, face masks, and doing my hair)
But truly my self-care includes a lot more. If you want to find out about more ideas of self-care just look on pinterest or google.
I talk about all of the aspects of self-care, and they might surprise you.
Well I hope that this article has served you in some way. Now it’s time for you to think about the three component of self-care and develop your own self-care style.
P.S. If you're looking to take this whole self-care thing to the next level you've got to check out this journal. It's wonderfully, and truthfully written!
Please remember that the advice and opinions given on this website and in correspondence with correlated email addresses such as firstname.lastname@example.org are anecdotal and unprofessional. I am not a doctor, I am not a therapist, and I am not a healthcare professional. Consult a doctor before doing any of the recommended activities on this blog.