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This is not an easy post to write.
In fact, it's terrifying.
But it's time to share my story, to help others like me.
I suffered many traumas before I turned 18. Traumas that would leave permanent scars.
Some people get trust funds, and others get a deep sense of mistrust with the world. I was of the latter group.
My first trauma happened when I was six or seven years old. I was molested by my uncle.
I was trapped.
Physically and mentally trapped. And I could not move. Nor did I understand what was happening to me.
Traumatic events like these teach the mind to feel trapped and afraid in other, normal situations.
Fast forward 15 years and I can't be in large crowds, I can barely leave the house, and I have debilitating anxiety.
This sexual abuse was not the only traumatic event that I survived, but it's effect was lasting.
I was stuck in an eternal limbo. Never being able to complete the chain of my fight or flight reactions. In some cases doctor's call this PTSD.
The Good Part: Healing from PTSD and CPTSD
I lived a pretty miserable, terrified existence. For about 22 years.
At 16 was the first time I told anyone about my sexual abuse, and I was sent to a therapist.
Then again in college, I visited a therapist.
But nothing seemed to really change my life.
I was still living in constant anxiety unable to connect to others in my life.
until one day...I signed up for singing lessons.
I always had a secret desire to sing. The teacher I found lived about an hour from my house, but something drew me there.
I was terrified to go in. But I did.
I was terrified to sing. But I did.
And I am glad I did.
Because at the end of the lesson the teacher mentioned that I seemed to be holding something back. I started crying because she was right, and she gave me the phone number of a therapist. I took down the number, though I wasn't really sure if I would go.
A few days later I saw the phone in my wallet and I called her. I made an appointment, and even more miraculously I showed up.
For related reading, check out: What is trauma? This is What You Need to Know to Heal
I had been to other therapists before, non lasted. They always had candles and spoke to me as if I were dying.
But this one spoke to me like a normal person, gave me some tea, and we sat down.
I don't think I stopped crying the whole time I was there.
How Detraumatization Works:
Warning the following is my experience of detraumatization. Not a definition.
The detraumatization process started with me telling the specific details of a traumatic situation.
Like my uncle saying, "Come to my room. I want to show you something really cool," before shutting the door.
Then here is the key to the process: releasing the energy.
The brain cant heal itself, without healing the body. And when you live through a traumatic event, like it or not, your body is involved. So your body needs to heal too!
The process involves allowing the body to work through the fight or flight response that was deadened during the traumatic event.
Learn more about trauma by clicking here.
My body wanted to fight or at least to run but I was held down by someone too big for me to escape from.
So my body never fully responded to the danger.
Until I was 22 in my therapist's home.
This technique was the missing link. The link that freed me. The link that allows me to share my story on the internet.
If you think you may have suffered a trauma in your life, here are some resources about trauma you should look into.
These trauma books:
Free yourself from trauma!
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Free Yourself From Trauma
Don't carry this weight anymore. Shed the crap that's holding you down, and become the best possible version of yourself today!
Please remember that the advice and opinions given on this website are anecdotal and unprofessional. I am not a doctor, I am not a therapist, and I am not a healthcare professional. Please consult a doctor before doing any of the recommended activities on this blog.