When I first told my parents about being molested they took me to a shrink.
This lady was nice, she had candles, spoke softly, had curly hair.
But I never left her office feeling much better than when I went in.
I always left with the same amount of numbness feeling and hurt as before.
I still wasn’t connecting with anyone or feeling especially happy or free.
So when I finally connected with the woman who would teach me to begin freeing myself, I was overjoyed.
I remember leaving her house that day with a sense of calmness, and almost neutrality that I hadn’t felt in years….or perhaps ever.
It was the most powerful thing I had ever experienced on my healing journey thus far, so needless to say I booked more appointments, and over the following two years I would continue to go.
And continue to leave feeling open and connected to the world again.
But during those two years, I began to make the biggest mistake anyone can make on their healing journey…I trusted someone else to completely guide my healing journey.
As a child who suffered abuse, I was desperate to have someone guide me.
It was consolation really, for my lack of strong adult figures, now in my adulthood I was going to rely on someone to take me step by step.
I was so used to relying completely on myself, that it was kind of a relief to give up my life to someone else’s guidance, I wouldn’t have to worry about it.
She would guide me, I thought, to completely heal myself.
But soon, I would learn…